last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
