Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
