Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
