Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
