This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
