how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
