I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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