Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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