He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
