I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize