their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
