My nipple is on Facebook.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
