I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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