Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
