so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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