she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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