are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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