So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Randomize