So drunk its hurt
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
