he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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