I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
