1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
