I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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