I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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