Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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