I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
