I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
