I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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