So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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