I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
