never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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