Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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