I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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