I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Found your dick twin last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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