i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize