I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Randomize
