you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
