when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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