I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
