Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry zippo_of_death hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!

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(352): View more from Florida

my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.

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(314): View more from Missouri

hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

(636): View more from Missouri

Yup.

(314): View more from Missouri

Yup.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.

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(214): View more from Texas

Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis

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(519): View more from Ontario

Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows

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