just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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