bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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