The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
