sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
