Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
