why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
