he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
