you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
