we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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