Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize