i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
