maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
