I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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