They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
