its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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