Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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