who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
