Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
