Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
