happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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