Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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