My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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