before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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