I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
