meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
