we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
