I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
