Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
