my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
