I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
