I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
