The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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