he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
