My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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