I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
