question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize