I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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