More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this just has baby written all over it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
