Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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