you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Buhtt sex?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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