Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I looked at my own cervix.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
