Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
