did you get engaged???
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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