i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
