You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
