I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
