I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
