my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
