If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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