I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
