There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
