You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
