Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize