And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
