Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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