The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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