Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
