I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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