after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
