I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize