I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
