You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize