I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
