I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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