I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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