you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
