And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
