i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
